It is unbelievable how slowly time passes when you are tired. Make that exhausted. When one is exhausted, time seems to ooze by sluggishly, just like a very thick jam spilled over a countertop... that's right: it oozes (that is worse than crawling, if you ask me). I swear, I have been up since 8:27 a.m. It feels to me like I have been up for at least half an hour and should leave for school asap. But then I look at the clock. 8:35 a.m. I look again. 8:38 a.m. It is now 8:44 a.m. and, in the hopes of having time pass a little faster for my bogged down, foggy brain, I have decided to update you all on just how tired I feel.
I am certain that all of you feel tired as well. Lets face it: it is the end of the semester - crunch time for the best of us. We have papers and exams and life currently really (really!) sucks. I am fully aware of that right now. But today sucks more than usual for me. I have pulled my first full-on all-nighter since my first year at McGill. It still sucks. In first year, though, all I did was hand in my essay in class, leave class and go home to sleep. This year, I have spent the night writing, only to have to go to a 9:30 lecture, in order to retrieve one of my essays. Then, I have to think of a presentation for my current, crappy, result-of-an-all-nighter essay, because I have to present my bloody argument in 5 minutes, in front of the whole bloody class at 2:30 this afternoon. Class will not be over before 4:30. Yup - it sucks. All I want to do is sleep! Is that such a crime?
Certainly, I could have written my essay earlier, but I had essays for other subject due all week, and so I worked on them instead. When it came down to this essay (a paper for my Mass Culture in Post-War Japan class... my most hated class this semester), I actually started much earlier than usual. I started working on it at 6 last night (I did not get home from class until 5:30, so that is a very fair time to start) and got so confused, bogged down and scattered in my ideas that, until a long discussion with a good friend of mine, I was stuck with not even a thesis. It was 3 a.m. when I finally started writing something. Miraculously, I wrote 12 pages in 3 hours. I do not know how I did it. But I certainly am a speed writer. Is the essay good? Hell no! Will I proofread it? Rather not - I am afraid I will fall into depression if I see just how bad it is. Right now, my mind is blissfully unaware of how terrible the essay is (though there is a nagging at the back of my mind that bothers me) and I would like it to stay that way...
My God, I am tired! My head hurts and feels like it will explode. When it does not feel like it will tear apart, it feels like it is filled with cotton or duvet fluff... it is a really weird sensation. Also, everything I perceive right now seems to be coming from the other side of a very large volume of water (a large aquarium, maybe?), because sound is kind of muffled for me at the moment. As for my eyesight, I feel like a horse with shutters: my peripheral vision decided to take a nap, while I have to stay awake... Bleh... I want my stupid presentation to be over already so I can sleep all afternoon until tomorrow morning!! I truly look like death warmed up right now... this promises to be a cheerful presentation...
I will be off to class now. I feel numb all over (except for the pain in my lower back, which is quite sharp and annoying right now). I really am worried about this essay. Due to the all-nighter factor, it really sucks. It is full of riddiculous mistakes (of tiredness), and the argumentation sucks anyway, because I had no idea what I wanted to write about. Or, rather, I did know what I wanted to write about, until I read the supporting texts I was supposed to use for my class, and I just became seriously confused as to what my topic was... And this stupid bloody paper is worth 50% of my final mark in this stupid f*cking class! And I am certain that the highest grade I will get on it (if I am lucky) is a C... damn it!
I have to stop writing and get going. I will update again soon, when I am actually awake and less likely to completly misspell my own name and not even notice... Cheers, I guess... And goodnight in a few hours...
*Edit: I forgot to let you all know that I slept for about ten minutes between finishing my essay and getting ready for class. During those 10 minutes of dozing, I had to have a nightmare. It was horrible and gruesome: I dreamt that bloody corpses wrapped in plastic cling-wrap were being put on the bed beside me. It was gross... and scary... and really unpleasant... talk about a good sleep, eh? *sigh*
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